Today I would like to talk a little about something I’m calling Sexpectations. The things is, that while I enjoy writing some fun Chick Lit from time to time, it seems that I’m not really meeting the reader’s sexpectations with my material. For the most part, I’m okay with that. I can’t please everyone and whether I like it or not, not everyone is going LOVE my style of writing. And while I sometimes can’t help but feel like I’m missing the wave when it comes to the current popularity of steamy NA Fiction, I find it more frustrating when readers go into my stories with high sexpectations because of it. It’s because of this that I think it’s time to set the record straight –
It’s not that I’m a prude. Not by a long shot. I’ll pretty much talk about sex whenever and with whomever…it’s all the same to me. And don’t think that I’m discussing it the way your teacher did in Sex Ed either. After spending years as a bartender and hanging out every afternoon with a happy hour crew that consisted of primarily men, it should come as no surprise to anyone that my sex talk can be pretty crude. So, why the lack of sex in my stories? Well, several reasons actually.
For starters, I don’t usually like to read about sex in books (not knocking anyone who does…to each their own I say!). Again, it’s not a conservative thing, but more a lack of creativity thing. There seems to be a standard way of writing sex, and while it’s certainly very vivid and descriptive, I also often find it humorous. Here are some examples of words and phrases that make me shake my head and smirk –
His male hardness
There’s more, but you get the point. Thing is, they all sound strangely formal to me which I think is weird considering how intimate the topic is. And I don’t know about anyone else, but I’ve never sat around chatting with my girls, talking about anybody’s male hardness. Let me rephrase that, I’ve talked about it… I just didn’t call it that.
Then of course there’s all the super descriptive talk about oral sex, which frankly, I sometimes find disgusting. I’m just not interested in reading about some chick’s juices gushing from her hoo-ha while some guy laps it up like it’s water in the Sahara. Blowjobs tend to bother me less, although, you can always tell when a guy wrote it because every woman in the book wants to devour every penis she sees and swallow it whole.
So, yeah, that’s a reason, the other reason being that if I wrote about sex, I would probably write about it the same way I talk about it…and no one needs to read about that.
Which brings me to my third and final reason. I am not seductive. Not in person. Not creatively and not even in my wildest fantasies. It’s just not in me. The hottest thing I’m ever gonna do to get some action is get naked. That’s where my sexy begins and ends. In real life it’s sufficient, in fiction, not so much.
My point is this – While the Fifty Shades of Everyday Porn have definitely found their place in the literary world, don’t expect to find fifty shades of anything in my work. That’s not to say that my characters never get laid. They do, and I assure you it’s always most satisfactory for all parties involved. And I’ll even let you know about it when it’s happening, just don’t expect to be in the room with them when it does.